Stronger Together – How to Start a Police Moms Group

Have you discovered that there is no existing police moms group in your community, but you know you want that connection with other police families? Starting your own group, whether it be a small group of moms or a full blown nonprofit organization that serves all police family members, it’s easier than you think—and incredibly rewarding. Here’s the story of how I did it, bumps, bruises, and all. I can tell you, those bumps and bruises were caused by trying to do too much with too few people. In the end, I circled back to my original vision, and MPD Moms (that stands for Memphis Police Department Moms) has been doing great and pretty much running itself for the past eight years. I hope you find your journey to connect with other LEO moms and families as rewarding as it has been for me.

Story of MPD Moms:

In 2015, I did not know a single other police mom in our city of nearly 2000 officers. I knew they were out there somewhere, and I needed to find a connection. After the third officer was killed in the line of duty since my son joined the department, I could no longer go it alone. So, I went online, using Facebook to reach out through several local police support groups, and asked police moms in Memphis to contact me. It was just that simple. Clearly, other police moms in our city also wanted a connection and I was getting more responses each day. Within a week, MPD Moms was born. It was my plan that we would connect primarily through Facebook, but also come together in person at least once each month to get to know one another and build genuine friendships. It was important to me that, should anything ever happen to one of our officers, that officer’s mom would already have a network of strong and caring friends to help her through. I knew that we would be stronger together.

It worked. Just a few weeks in, we had a couple dozen moms in the group and we were planning our first in-person meeting over lunch at a local restaurant. Then things suddenly got more complicated.

A Deputy Chief with the Memphis Police Department asked a few police wives and me, if we could form a support organization for the families of our officers. He had recognized a need for families to be able to help one another during times of crisis and knew it had to be run by the families themselves. When I was asked to join the planning group, it seemed like a perfect fit for MPD Moms so I agreed. I had recently retired from a thirty-five year career in nonprofit management, and knew I had the background and skills to do this. So, together this group of wives and I, as the token mom, drew up a plan and presented it to the MPD Command Staff, hoping it was what they had in mind. It was, according to the Deputy Chief, “exactly what we need and more!” We planned to offer activities for cop’s kids, a support group for police wives, and of course, the MPD Moms group that I’d started initially, expanded to include dads as well.

Of course, we planned to phase all of these activities in gradually, over several years. But the Command Staff had other ideas. They wanted it all, right away. To help get it started, they planned a big kickoff party for the following month and wanted us to lay out the whole program for police family members in attendance. The kickoff was a huge success, even as a few members of our planning committee dropped out, siting a busy life and no time for this project. Before long we had hundreds of members and the three remaining committee members, including me, developed programs to serve police wives, moms and dads, children, and officers. One of the most important programs we created was an orientation class for the families of new academy graduates. Then we were asked to teach classes for the recruits at the Training Academy on how this job would impact family members. It was soon determined that of our small group, I was the one that would teach these classes. MPD Command Staff was very excited with the program and encouraged us to register as a nonprofit corporation and file for tax exempt status so we could raise money for the many events and activities we were conducting. The MPD Family Initiative became a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization and expanded to provide more activities, services, and support for officers and their families while also serving as volunteers for the department and representing the human side of our officers by participating in events throughout our community.

We learned a lot during those first few years—more about what not to do than what to do, it seemed. To scale a family support group to serve such a broad base of people with the many programs we offered takes a tremendous amount of dedication and work; too much work for three people to manage alone. Efforts to expand our Board and recruit volunteers were only marginally successful. Family members loved participating in our activities, but few were willing to do the work. Ultimately, we learned that we had tried to be too much to too many. Our efforts were not sustainable and the MPD Family Initiative had to let many things go, including the two police wives who suffered frustration and burnout and had to place their own families first. With them went the wives’ support group, which of course, as a police mom, I was not able to run. I was left with new board members and an awareness that something had to change. We shut down the 501(c)(3) and reinvented ourselves as MPD Family, providing information, support, and occasional activities for officers and their families, primarily utilizing Facebook as a means of communication.

MPD Moms, a separate entity as originally created, continues to be very active, with members from across the country, all who have a son or daughter serving the Memphis community. This group is where I spend most of my energy and time. This is the group that feeds my soul and where I know I can make a difference.

Building the MPD Family Initiative and MPD Moms has been one of the most rewarding endeavors I’ve undertaken in this life. It’s also been one of the most challenging. The take-away from my experience is to not try to be all things for all people without enough dedicated leaders to make it work. Stick to your vision of what you want to do. For those interested in creating a group for police families or just for moms, I’ve shared some tips.

Most importantly, I want to make it clear that there are many forms a moms or family group might take. It might focus on one member of the family, like police moms or cop kids or it might encompass all. It can be entirely virtual or a hybrid, like MPD Moms. You may choose to create a small group of law enforcement moms in your community, or you may want to use social media to build a national group with thousands of members. There is no right or wrong way to bring family members together. Whatever you choose, I offer encouragement, support, and the following guidelines to get you started.

What Do You Want to Be?

Is your idea to build a police moms group within your local department or perhaps expand your idea to include law enforcement moms within your state or region? Or do you want to make it a national group? Or do you want to create a family organization that provides services for police wives, children, and other family members? Be clear about what you want your group to be. Then find out if there is a need for a group of the type you are planning? Does anything similar exist in your community? If another group currently exists but you want to create your own, how will your organization differ? Perhaps there is a police wives group, but you want to start a moms group. Talk to the existing group and learn from them. Consider the possibility of joining together to create a family organization. Still, don’t lose sight of what you want your group to be.

If you want to just reach out to find a few other police moms in your area with whom you might build a relationship, then, by all means, do that! The value of having that small group of friends that understand your worries and can be there for one another when things get tough is immeasurable. Do that!

If you want to create a group for police moms or moms and dads locally, regionally, or nationally, you can do that! If your intent is to be just a social media group that communicates with no real structure, that’s very doable. That type of group requires one level of commitment, whereas building an active family group offering programs for all family members will require a lot more work. All of these types of support organizations have value and the power to change lives. All require varying amounts of time, effort, and commitment. The first step is to decide what it is you want your group to be.

A Group of Police Mom Friends

To connect with a group of police moms in your community that will grow into close friendships, all it takes is an invitation. I assure you, there are other moms in your department or area that would love to meet you. These days the easiest way to connect with these moms is on social media. You’ll find them on local sites that pertain to police support or current issues. My only experience is with Facebook groups, as that is the only platform this old mom knows, so I can’t address the others. But do a search. Check wives’ groups in your area. Ask your officer what family groups he has heard of. Then make a post to the groups you select stating your goal and ask other moms to contact you through Messenger. I don’t recommend posting your phone number or regular email, since not all who will see your post will be the moms you hope to find.

Once you have other moms contacting you, you’ll need to respond right away. Let them know you are serious and can be relied on to bring them together. If your goal is to connect with just a few other moms, then you’re done. Plan a lunch together and enjoy your new supportive friends. If, however, you want to bring a larger group together, you’ll have a little more work to do, initially and going forward.

I set up a Facebook Group—MPD Moms—and invited each of them to join the group only after verifying that they were indeed local police moms. Initially, that posed a challenge, but I asked screening questions: the name and assignment location of their officer. Then I asked one of my officer friends to look up that officer to verify he or she existed and was assigned to that location. That was fairly simple since I was only working with one department. As we grew, I had to come up with another way of vetting potential members that did not burden an officer. I was able to work with the department to have their personnel department provide me with a list of all officers and their units or precincts. I get a new list after each academy graduation. This works well for us but may be overkill in a smaller community.

However you verify the qualifications of your members, realize you need to do some form of screening. I want our group to be a safe space with only moms present so we can talk about those things that challenge us. Yet I’ve had member requests from dads, mothers-in-law, random police supporters, politicians, and those unknown individuals who likely mean us harm. The same kind of security will be necessary if you expand your group to include both moms and dads, or even whole families. You need to know who is in your group and if you and your members are safe from harmful words or worse.

A Larger Organization

Even before you draft a plan or hold your first gathering, it is a good idea to stop, take a breath, and think. If you plan to do anything more than meet a few other moms, it’s time for serious assessment. As rewarding as it is to build a large family support program, it is equally challenging and at times, downright hard! Is this really something you want to do? Do you have the passion to carry it out long term? Do you have the time? Do you have the commitment of others who want this as much and will work hard to make it happen? If you are doing this alone, do you have the discipline to scale your group to what you can manage alone without burning yourself out? Do you have the support of your family? Of your LEO? The answers to these questions are more important than you may initially realize.

One of the first things we learned in building our family organization was that ideas are fun and exciting. Implementation is work. When members of your organizing committee drop out, others are left to pick up the slack and the burden becomes heavier for those left standing. This is a time for realistic assessments of yourself and others. Do you and the others involved in leadership each want this badly enough to stick it out when it gets difficult? Are there enough people working on this project so it is not overwhelming for any one person? Does your LEO support you being involved in a program of this type or would he prefer his mom not become involved with his work life?

Once these questions have been resolved satisfactorily, you are ready to start planning and implementing. You may want to start by going to your department Command Staff and let them know what you hope to accomplish. They may have ideas and resources and possibly even time and staff to help. What follows are a few suggestions and tips to help you along the way.

Flesh out your ideas on paper: What do you see for your group and what do you personally want to invest? This is where you need to weight the pros and cons of creating a Moms group versus a Family group. Be careful what you wish for! You should count on it being unlikely that group members will ever have the same passion for your group that its founders have, so be careful not to bite off more than you can handle. If you have others working with you from the beginning, you can plan to do more. Brainstorm with other family members from your department or region to hear their ideas. You want to build a committee that is invested and excited about the possibilities.

Create a Plan: After all the brainstorming, put your plan together. What are you proposing and how will you implement your plan? If you have others working with you, form a committee to start sharing the responsibilities right away. This is when you’ll need to delve into the details and determine who will do what. Put it in writing as a guide. You can always make changes as you grow and learn, but it’s important to be sure everyone is on the same page as you start out.

Create Your Elevator Speech: From your written plan, create a short program description to be used in telling others what your group does. This short description will be used in many verbal and written communications to promote your organization and invite involvement. Practice telling others about your planned organization before making those all important presentations to your police department or media.

Develop a Budget: If you are going to do anything more than gathering a group of moms to talk on Facebook or meet for lunch on occasion, you will, at some point, incur expenses. Determine what initial expenses you will have and how those will be covered. Later you can conduct fundraising to cover operating expenses but initial expenses must be planned for from the beginning. Those early expenses might include setting up a bank account, printing business cards, creating flyers or brochures, and making t-shirts. The more programs you offer, the more expenses will grow.

Create Your Group Page or Build a Website: Start your social media site and assign someone to monitor the site. We found Facebook to be our best option for keeping members informed and engaged, but we were adamant about privacy and confidentiality so we set it up as a Private Group. Determine what security measures you will take to verify members are who they say they are and to keep out those who don’t belong. (Yes, hackers, haters, and just plain idiots stalk police family members and try to join these groups! You must have a security plan!) Decide too if you want to have a website. If so, you’ll need to purchase your domain name and build your site. It can be as simple or complex as desired and may not require the work of a professional if a volunteer is willing to spend a little time on it.

Get Connected: Other than social media, what other means of communication will you make available for members and the public? Perhaps set up an email address for your group. What phone number will you share publicly? Where will you receive mail? How can potential members and others find you?

Tell Everyone: Announce the start of your program jointly with the department if possible, in a manner that will reach all families within the department. Mailings, emails, flyers, brochures, etc. are all effective. A kickoff event promoted by the department helped us reach hundreds of families. We attend graduation ceremonies at the invitation of the department and introduce ourselves to the families of new officers. We placed flyers in each precinct for officers to take home to their families and we rotated visiting each unit to talk about our mission. This is the marketing piece that never ends. You’ll always strive to add new members to your group so all families will have your group to lean on.

Now Just Do It: Start to carry out your program goals by implementing one or two of your objectives. Schedule an activity to begin bringing moms or families together. We had our first Moms Lunch scheduled and ready to announce at our kickoff event so we could capitalize on the initial momentum and it paid off with the largest group ever for our first lunch. For the MPD Family Initiative, we found our New Family Orientations and our Kids Days to be our most popular activities initially. Later we added family events such as a Pumpkin Painting Party and Breakfast With Santa, which brought hundreds of family members together to celebrate the holidays.

Keep Getting Better: Continue to plan, implement, learn, revise, and repeat.

Plan for the Future: Where do you go from here? Fundraising, expanding services, increasing participation, building sustainability, recruiting volunteers, securing nonprofit status, and much, much more are all awaiting. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself and your family, even as you are taking care of your Thin Blue Line Family.